Sidelined by Life

Posted: August 27, 2018 in My World in 4D

I have not typed any new blogs for the longest time. I will not say it is a writer’s block because it is not. Sometimes life happens and it causes you to just not be in the mood for anything except breathing.

I am going to turn 45 next year and it would seem my life’s journey has not gotten me anywhere. So what exactly do I want? I honest to goodness do not know. I am in a line of business that simply takes me for granted. I cannot apply out because for one reason or the other I am declined by the one LOB I have longed been trained for, well rusty with it but after some fine tuning I can be back in the game. 4 years seemed to be a short time but for me it has been an eternity of being ignored, passed over for both promotion and recognition, limited exposure and dearth of training. It is not as if I did not ask. I did but still found myself in the same murky depths as I initially started with.

So I did not write. I did not read either. I did nothing to improve myself. What I did was I allowed the lack of belief in my worth cloud my own self worth. Stuck in a rot is what I feel so I did not write. I allowed my brain to rot. The more rotten it got, the more I whined, whimpered and procrastinated. Despite my successes, I felt belittled and obscure. I tried to boost my own morale but it fizzled. The positivity tank is finally empty.

For some reason though right now I am writing. Maybe it is my way of slowly regaining a semblance of hope that after these myriad of nothingness, I can finally find something. Just something, it may not be much but at least it is a start. My babies believe that my journey has yet to begin so why not tap on that reserve so I can attempt to take life by the horns and whack it to finally work in my favor for a change. A deflated Rachel does not suit me in the first place anyway…

Let us see, today may just be the first page of a brand new chapter perhaps in the same LOB but a different me to work on. Maybe then I will write and read again. Who knows? Life has a funny way of keeping me at bay. 😛


I have not always been svelte. I have never been flawless. I have not been keen on what I look like. But I know I have been thin, I have been obese and back again. I had done the Slimmer’s World, Fitness First, local gym membership route. I did the P90X at home. I tried boxing and even got me my own boxing paraphernalia. I also got me some work out gloves, dumbbells, jump rope and stretch bands. Still flabby, still without the abs I long for, still have wobbly arms, still…still…still.

Last August 21, 2017 I decided to try out keto. It seems easy enough. I just stopped having carbs. I added more fats like butter, bacon, chicharon and eggs to my meal. I began drinking more water. All in all I have lost between 24 to 25 lbs in the last 6 months. There was a stall for like two weeks, like in my 3rd month so I tried intermittent fasting. But since January I have cheated. I would IF from time to time but I cheated each week.

The woe here is an actual woe. As in whoa is my intake, why am I being drawn to carbs again? I need to lose more weight, like 15 more before I get to 120lbs which is a relatively safe weight to be on. I do look better, my clothes are loose now, I lost my boobs and butt in the process of my keto woe but the tummy continues to be flabby, the muffin top remains stubbornly prominent. Ugh. Now I am craving for sweets and rice when I should not, the worse part is I am not stopping myself when I gorge on the very reason why I am the way I am.

So this entry is my way of saying pause, wait up, rethink…go back to keto woe and this time do things right. Whether it is lazy or strict keto, do it right. Stay away from keto bombs, add more water and greens, do more IFs and get sane. I should not find any reason why I should continue with the cheats. I should put those aside and truly appreciate how far I have come, how I look now, how I feel now to just cast away the keto woe just like that.

End of April, I should be better prepared of the food I need to avoid and focus on the prize at the end. Good health, better physique and a baby in my womb are way better than any instant gratification sugar and carbs can bring. #kcko


Last Two Days of 2017

Posted: December 30, 2017 in My World in 4D

Today was spent sneezing away the dust that danced and tickled my nostrils as all four of us scrubbed, wiped, arranged, threw, stored away and decluttered the unit from days of yore. Indeed it was such a great sight to behold that everyone, yes even our furball pitched in to just clean up the mess.

We capped the day by eating out in a Korean restaurant somewhere in the heart of Jupiter Street. Good thing too that we arrived two hours earlier otherwise we wont get to eat such a sumptuous dinner. It was truly a great recommendation.

But I am not limiting it to these two last days. Overall the last leg of the year has been phenomenal. Not in the numbers department, haha, since my survey returns suck big time but how truly spectacular people have been. I am in awe at how things have played out. I will eternally be grateful to the faith of my boss in my capabilities as each day he’d give me boost after boost. I had gifts from people I never expect anything from like a beautiful bag from my boyfriend; chicharon from Lee: scarf from JM; keychain from Gaffud; a pair of socks and nude lipstick from Sherlly; the promotion of Hamimi; being a benchmark in our LOB…wow right? These along with the tremendous support and gratitude of my Familia Bitchera even when some have left the LOB or the team, they remain one with those still with us — heart is full.

2014 til 2016 were years of pain, disappointments, doubts and hopelessness. 2017 started to slowly peak and allowed itself to bloom, slowly but steadily. The cluster that was supposed to dissolve conquered other sites and began to grow. The team that had a bad rep due to its sup made a major turn around and became a dark horse in a race where none saw coming. The uncoachable, tainted and IR-studded sup finally proved herself albeit painfully slow that all lies were merely weaved by misunderstandings and incorrect assumptions…so yey to 2017 and looking forward to what’s in store for 2018.

Again big THANK YOU to you who made me stronger, better and hopeful. Thank you for all the trust, support, love, respect, life lessons, failures, success, trials and objectivity that were given to me.

Salope va mourir

Posted: October 28, 2017 in My World in 4D
Tags: , , , ,

Pardon my googled French translation. I am not sure it is even grammatically correct but I do want to say die bitch !@#$% to her face but I wont. You see if this man that I love and adore currently sleeping half naked on my bed is lying to me and still has that relationship with her, I would just opt to stay quiet and leave. Of course it would hurt a damn lot but better than being in a relationship that perhaps was not meant to be.

Still I trust him. I trust in his love for me. We do not have a perfect relationship. We do not even sometimes communicate all that well with each other. We have such a big difference in our perspective in life. I may not even be the one he needs in his life but I will stand firm by his side because I do love him. We have different goals and different opinion on how to go about our respective lives. But when I vested in this relationship, I am full on vested in it. No woman, especially her who will remain faceless and nameless, will change my mind. If it comes from him that he no longer wants to be in this relationship and choose her then he is free to do so. But he cannot come back to me because I will not allow myself to be torn apart and be put together by a band aid.

So this is my only warning to you slut,  stop using your child as tool to make him notice you. He is mine and mine alone. We have gone through so much in our young relationship and I would chase you off the face of the earth if I must so stop provoking me. I choose to remain quiet because I made that promise to him. But do not mistake that for cowardice. I am not scared of you nor in any means threatened. You are an annoyance and you trying to get my attention or rather wrath makes you all the more negligible. Even if you come back here and slink your way in his life does not by any means do anything to me but I do feel disdain for your sluttiness, like a bile that leaves an ugly taste in my mouth. You are a shame to women and mothers everywhere. You have no dignity, no morals and no common decency. So leave him the hell alone…capiche?!

A Matter of Size

Posted: March 16, 2017 in Food review
Tags: ,


I love Jollibee that is why I was surprised how really small the burgers have been lately. Proof is my small closed fist is slightly bigger than my Jollibee yumburger with cheese. It still tasted great but the food items all seemed to have shrunk. Yes, even good ‘ol chickenjoy has gone down four sizes (enviable as the gone down four sizes as it may be, size still matters for a middle income lass like me). Other fastfood joints too have gone size crazy. So do not get me started on how small portion sizes are now of Wendy’s pricey burgers. The size and the taste of the burgers (yup, even the spicy chicken fillet) have definitely suffered the past few years…the buns dry, the lettuce sad, the meat sadder and the serving portion so small for a whooping P246.  Thus, I just buy from them iced tea. At least nothing about it is sad or small. :/


My friend asked me how was your year. I replied dismissively, so-so. Majority did not go as planned but there were a smattering of some good things. She then pointed out how can I lessen the value of having a boyfriend, going to Japan and winning the major prize in our year end party?

Well maybe for one thing the year started with me under performance management under a tyrant former boss, I did not get any increase, a subordinate refuse to help out with the controllable no matter the manner in which I ask, I feel in my own team that I am not one with them and no matter how much leeway/ kinship/understanding/transparency I give them it will be for naught. I felt alone with no place to go. And for the first time in a long time, there is no celebratory feeling that I want to share my “blessings.” I did not plan to give them any Christmas gifts or tokens like I used to do because nothing comes back tangible or intangible. I did not participate in the planning of the party. I just looked forward to my leaves because I need time to re-evaluate.

I am socially awkward. I don’t do well with people but since I became part of this industry I am in, I have learned to deal with my awkwardness. I tried to believe again in the goodness of people so I gave them a chance, helped them, guided and such. Unfortunately, I have been bitten more than rewarded. So I let go of the people who thought they can use me. One still does not grasp why I refused to talk to her. She wanted me to be like everybody else and then has the audacity to ignore me while she has all the time in the world to eat, talk, visit her other friends. Instead of allowing the pseudo-friendship to continue I cut the cord. I also had enough of someone else who proved to be such a hypocrite. I mean I am already focused on what I want for my team and we are doing pretty well, not consistently but getting there to be sidetracked by petty things.

These things have drained me because after all the things I done, the thanks I got was multiple stabs on the back. I needed to regroup and maybe a fresh start if God willing in another LOB will do the trick. A new team, new group, new management – these may just be what I need to look forward to 2017.

2016 was not a tumultuous as 2015 but the emotional pain was big time. I was bombarded left and right, the ones who I thought would support me the most have hurt me the most. Their words and actions actually linger. A bit forgiven but not forgotten because you cannot do anything about family.

Thus I look forward to a good year. Nothing fancy, nothing extraordinary just a good year for my whole being and a chance to finally be rewarded for an honest to goodness hard work.

Cheers to 2017!

Touted to be the biggest one ever held as EGS celebrates 5 years of existence, the year end would not be short of phenomenal. From the music by the Philharmonic Orchestra down to the food catered by Bizu, Wells Fargo team members are abuzz with excitement. The who are you wearing come to mind as perhaps the bellas, the belles and gents will come in their most dapper outfit to stand out on the red carpet.

For me, I am not excited because of the glitz and glamour the night promised to be. I am excited for the promise of the future, the celebration of friendship and the long awaited parting of the past. At the same time, I can play dress up and get dolled up. I am certain I wont be Face of the Night or something else. Best thing still is though I get to have an invite with my birthdate on it, I get to wear a dress in my favorite color, I managed to borrow a pair of high heels worn in the pre-pageant by Pia W. and I get to be with the best looking man this part of town as my accessory. It is just like winning the grand prize, maybe better.

Funny thing is, he is more excited than me that he bought himself new polo shirts. Yes he wont be able to accompany me inside but he wants to look good nonetheless and now plans to get his beard trimmed. He is nonplussed even when he would be more of my driver than my escort. Who wouldn’t feel like the belle now? I certainly did and if I can blush I would.

Anyway, my accessories are complete, my gown is ready and am about to pack my change of clothes. I am so looking forward to be serenaded tomorrow in SMX. Ta-ta. 🙂

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