Retort to well meaning but annoying questions

Posted: August 15, 2011 in My World in 4D
Tags: , , , , , , ,

After a long time of not seeing nor communicating with one another, a former neighbor from San Juan exchanged chats with me thru Facebook. Without having the usual niceties first or whatsoever he just went directly to how many children do I have now. Not exactly cut off guard since as Filipinos this question goes hand in hand with the “are you married?’ missiles, I said none. He followed this up with if I am married question. I replied no.

The monosyllable answers should have given him pause that his questions were not welcome, unfortunately sensitivity was not his strong suit. He persisted in asking why and pointed out that maybe I am choosy with men.

So for those of you in the same situation and would often get the “there, there he will come. Just be patient” speech soon after, the usual reaction would be to silently seethe in anger, smile and bear it. However, there is something utterly unnerving about this comment that I stopped replying monosyllabic words. Maybe it was time for war because honestly comments like “why are you not married yet” with an accompanying pity look do not make a husband material appear out of the blue. It is also very insulting to someone who went thru a very bad relationship spill to hear the silent tsk tsk thus I replied sardonically that in order for one to be choosy, there ought to be more than a couple to choose from. If there is a non-existing person behind door A to begin with I should not be accused of being choosy.

Yes I am no longer young, yes I should be married at my age, yes I should have already given birth to at least one child but fate does not have that laid out in the open for me. I cannot just grab the nearest Tom, Dick or Harry that crosses my path just so I can have someone as my husband. Marriage does not work like that. Relationship does not begin like that. Courtship also does not happen just because boy meets girl. What if boy likes boy or girl likes girl? What if boy likes another girl or boy just wants to be friends with girl.? These things happen because they are meant to not because other people think someone they know should already be in a certain status.

Maybe the people who ask questions like the ones cited above think doing so make me or someone like me feel they care about my welfare. Sadly because of questions like  “when are you getting married” or “why not just get married” you make it seem that being single is such a embarrassing status to be in. You also do not know the burden you unintentionally load unto the people you direct these lethal questions at. It is hard enough as it is to find someone they at least like like, it adds a hard kick in the groin when a busy body thinks they know better. <End chat>

  1. Why is it I at all times feel like you do?

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