Archive for the ‘My World in 4D’ Category

Salope va mourir

Posted: October 28, 2017 in My World in 4D
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Pardon my googled French translation. I am not sure it is even grammatically correct but I do want to say die bitch !@#$% to her face but I wont. You see if this man that I love and adore currently sleeping half naked on my bed is lying to me and still has that relationship with her, I would just opt to stay quiet and leave. Of course it would hurt a damn lot but better than being in a relationship that perhaps was not meant to be.

Still I trust him. I trust in his love for me. We do not have a perfect relationship. We do not even sometimes communicate all that well with each other. We have such a big difference in our perspective in life. I may not even be the one he needs in his life but I will stand firm by his side because I do love him. We have different goals and different opinion on how to go about our respective lives. But when I vested in this relationship, I am full on vested in it. No woman, especially her who will remain faceless and nameless, will change my mind. If it comes from him that he no longer wants to be in this relationship and choose her then he is free to do so. But he cannot come back to me because I will not allow myself to be torn apart and be put together by a band aid.

So this is my only warning to you slut,  stop using your child as tool to make him notice you. He is mine and mine alone. We have gone through so much in our young relationship and I would chase you off the face of the earth if I must so stop provoking me. I choose to remain quiet because I made that promise to him. But do not mistake that for cowardice. I am not scared of you nor in any means threatened. You are an annoyance and you trying to get my attention or rather wrath makes you all the more negligible. Even if you come back here and slink your way in his life does not by any means do anything to me but I do feel disdain for your sluttiness, like a bile that leaves an ugly taste in my mouth. You are a shame to women and mothers everywhere. You have no dignity, no morals and no common decency. So leave him the hell alone…capiche?!

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My friend asked me how was your year. I replied dismissively, so-so. Majority did not go as planned but there were a smattering of some good things. She then pointed out how can I lessen the value of having a boyfriend, going to Japan and winning the major prize in our year end party?

Well maybe for one thing the year started with me under performance management under a tyrant former boss, I did not get any increase, a subordinate refuse to help out with the controllable no matter the manner in which I ask, I feel in my own team that I am not one with them and no matter how much leeway/ kinship/understanding/transparency I give them it will be for naught. I felt alone with no place to go. And for the first time in a long time, there is no celebratory feeling that I want to share my “blessings.” I did not plan to give them any Christmas gifts or tokens like I used to do because nothing comes back tangible or intangible. I did not participate in the planning of the party. I just looked forward to my leaves because I need time to re-evaluate.

I am socially awkward. I don’t do well with people but since I became part of this industry I am in, I have learned to deal with my awkwardness. I tried to believe again in the goodness of people so I gave them a chance, helped them, guided and such. Unfortunately, I have been bitten more than rewarded. So I let go of the people who thought they can use me. One still does not grasp why I refused to talk to her. She wanted me to be like everybody else and then has the audacity to ignore me while she has all the time in the world to eat, talk, visit her other friends. Instead of allowing the pseudo-friendship to continue I cut the cord. I also had enough of someone else who proved to be such a hypocrite. I mean I am already focused on what I want for my team and we are doing pretty well, not consistently but getting there to be sidetracked by petty things.

These things have drained me because after all the things I done, the thanks I got was multiple stabs on the back. I needed to regroup and maybe a fresh start if God willing in another LOB will do the trick. A new team, new group, new management – these may just be what I need to look forward to 2017.

2016 was not a tumultuous as 2015 but the emotional pain was big time. I was bombarded left and right, the ones who I thought would support me the most have hurt me the most. Their words and actions actually linger. A bit forgiven but not forgotten because you cannot do anything about family.

Thus I look forward to a good year. Nothing fancy, nothing extraordinary just a good year for my whole being and a chance to finally be rewarded for an honest to goodness hard work.

Cheers to 2017!

Touted to be the biggest one ever held as EGS celebrates 5 years of existence, the year end would not be short of phenomenal. From the music by the Philharmonic Orchestra down to the food catered by Bizu, Wells Fargo team members are abuzz with excitement. The who are you wearing come to mind as perhaps the bellas, the belles and gents will come in their most dapper outfit to stand out on the red carpet.

For me, I am not excited because of the glitz and glamour the night promised to be. I am excited for the promise of the future, the celebration of friendship and the long awaited parting of the past. At the same time, I can play dress up and get dolled up. I am certain I wont be Face of the Night or something else. Best thing still is though I get to have an invite with my birthdate on it, I get to wear a dress in my favorite color, I managed to borrow a pair of high heels worn in the pre-pageant by Pia W. and I get to be with the best looking man this part of town as my accessory. It is just like winning the grand prize, maybe better.

Funny thing is, he is more excited than me that he bought himself new polo shirts. Yes he wont be able to accompany me inside but he wants to look good nonetheless and now plans to get his beard trimmed. He is nonplussed even when he would be more of my driver than my escort. Who wouldn’t feel like the belle now? I certainly did and if I can blush I would.

Anyway, my accessories are complete, my gown is ready and am about to pack my change of clothes. I am so looking forward to be serenaded tomorrow in SMX. Ta-ta. 🙂

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This is my simple way of saying Thank You papa God and Padre Pio for the gifts you let come my way.

I prayed for the perfect man for me and you gave me someone who is too scarred, too rough on the edge, too proud, too brazen. You gave me someone I thought I did not need.

I prayed that my “boss” becomes human and you gave him the boot out.

I prayed for a way to help my family financially and you pointed the way to the happy life project.

I prayed for acceptance in my cluster and after two years, the respect came from unexpected people followed closely by love and loyalty by those who saw ME

I prayed for a promotion and an increase, I received nonstop free food, a puppy and other freebies.

Today I just want to say thank you. Thank you I have a comfortable bed, I have a job, I can drink coffee, I have water and many other reasons to just say thank you.

The Story of Us

Posted: April 29, 2016 in My World in 4D

It may be too preemptive to write a story that has yet to unravel but then again if not now when. The start of our journey was not tumultuous but rather it was not my usual either. My last relationship was a decade ago and it took me quite a longer time than necessary to pick up the pieces and patch myself whole again. So when you came into my life February 11 while I waited for a ride to work I did not expect how unceremoniously you’d entered my life.

The way it started was how totally egotistical you are. You never stopped talking about how good looking you are and how lucky the cab company you worked for is for having such a handsome fella in their midst. But the way you delivered it was not obnoxious, it was the matter of fact vibe I got off from you that I found myself engaged in a conversation until I reached my destination. You got my number and two days later you called.

Our story seemed to be a reminiscent of a 2000 B movie directed by Jose Javier Reyes which starred Angelu de Leon and Diether Ocampo. Angelu played the role of Abby Mansueto who does not believe in love. Her parents led separate lives, the mother has a young boyfriend while the father has another family. Tessie Tomas played the part of the jilted wife to an annoying T as she kept harping about the choice of partner the husband replaced her with. Diether on the other hand has fathered a son and led a life of spoiled discontentment. You can say that this is another one of those love stories that Viva Films kept churning. However the twist lies in the fact that Abby has a convoluted view on love that she kept pushing Jimboy away. When Jimboy said “I love you” she countered with nakajackpot ka lang sa akin nag I love you ka na.

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Of course you are not Diether and I am not Angelu. Still after not being in a relationship for a decade I have become particularly cautious. You are after all a stranger with tons of emotional baggage that can last a lifetime if the stories which you openly told me were all true. Despite the caution, you were intent on being a part of my life. There was no other choice but yes to being your girl. You said you never were good in courting. You know what you want and you often get it. In this case you wanted me.

The first few weeks were tricky. I was often halfway through the door. I did not know what I wanted and was often confused about my feelings towards the us. I know I am attracted to you despite not being my usual type. You are buff, have a leathery reddish skin, and bearded. You do not caress me. You do not hold my face. You do not hold my hand. You often ask about getting into a business with me. You did not finish high school. You have a lot of women and kids. Your body has a number of scars and a faded tattoo of a former flame. You don’t like to foreplay and you looked stricken after the deed as if I repel you. There are still a lot of uncertainties, flaws and insensitivities.

Yet twice because of being too drunk you picked fights with me because you did not feel appreciated and accepted. That you take the time out of your usual route, you bring me home. That I do not see how you make me your priority, you’d even be willing to drop everything if it would mean that it would interfere with our time together. That I, like Abby to Jimboy, forgot that you have feelings too and got hurt by words I say. You have always been open about your limitations, you even mentioned you are not perfect and this is me – take it or leave it. I guess that was when I slowly piece together why I was not comfortable with the us. It is not because of your imperfections, it was because of my own expectations of what a relationship should be.

We are far from having a wonderful relationship, one that is all gooey and stuff. But so far you listen to me, you care about me, you protect me and despite the gruffness, you do thoughtful things. You went to my lola’s birthday party and was not scared to meet an entire clan, my father’s side of the family. You wanted to always impress my mom and wanted to know what she has to say about you. You reminded me to bring my medicines and did not even allow me to drink any alcoholic beverages because you know it was contraindicated. You know when our monthsary is and you would often kiss me back when I kiss you. You hug me tight when you think I am about to fall out of my small bed. Little things my dearest Ricky. Little things that are becoming more and more important to someone as jaded as me.

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Downtime on a lazy Sunday

Posted: February 7, 2016 in My World in 4D

There is something rather calming about just waking up late in the day, sipping a hot cup of coffee and lounging lazily on my day bed. The little things can truly be quite remarkable if you allow it.

The tediousness of life comes to a complete halt in my little space. I can just be in my shorts and nighties, hair unruly from a just woke up fashion and have a grand ball just chilling. Now how can this day not be great?

Work is at the far recesses of my mind. I have watched two movies, Guardians of the Galaxy and Friends with Benefits, and now have a must write-it-down pull thus this blog. I am grateful for this leave. A chance to just re-energize my already depleted and rather battered emotional-psychological-mental battery.

On February 17 I will be back in training. This rather low blow insult had me raging for days. So this off from work allows me this time to be at peace with the idiotic move. I have to be better than just remain snippy and dejected. Apart from that, I need to stop being angry at those who connived against me. There is a comeuppance to every dastardly deed so I need to allow fate to do its job.

For now I take in the bad and blow it out of my system. I look out of my room window, observe the daily grind, hear the cacophony of sounds below and breathe. Just breathe. Life is good. Life will always be this chill.

Thank goodness for the downtime and the java jolt 🙂

 

Inside the White Walls

Posted: January 23, 2016 in My World in 4D

One thing wrong about watching too much of House is that you get paranoid about being in a hospital. The disinfectant in the air, the white walls, the hustle and bustle inside the ER carry with it a certain eeriness that I cannot fathom.

So despite the profuse bleeding that occurred just a little after lunch yesterday, I was adamant going to the ER and get myself checked. I was not concerned about how much the blood loss was, I was too pre-occupied watching the water turn bright red as it swirled near the drain. I willed whatever was causing it to stop. It did tho so I still managed to go to work and only afterwards did I go to the ER of St. Luke’s Global mainly due to the prodding of my banker.

So the moment I stepped inside the emergency room, I was already psyched that I was right not to be too concerned and that I would be in and out after two hours.

Oh well, here I am now with normal everything admitted and waiting for Monday to get a procedure done. Nurses are all friendly and lovely. Doctors too, all young and pretty. But despite the warmth and comfy accommodation I do not think I should be here. I feel that everything was taken out of proportion. I know I bled too much but apart from that I feel normal. No pain, no fever, no sensitivity, no high blood.

Anyway, am here. Nothing much can be done but go thru the rigors of being on a soft diet then liquid diet in preparation for the procedure on Monday. Fingers crossed that I get a clean bill of health and that the wait was the worst part of all these. I cannot wait to get home.20160123_203109[1].jpg